School is about to start, and I am no where being ready for school. All of us are anxious to finish the program, but no one is happy coming back to this torturing life that I don't think any of us would ever get used to. Come and think of it, it is depressing to know that the coming months are going to be scary and stressful. All I can do is " be tough, be rough, and be strong"......

I had a friend (who is also in graduate program with me) who came to me and told me that he is not sure about his faith anymore since he got accepted to this program. His faith has been slipping and he is not sure if he is a Christian anymore. I am not shocked at all. It is so easy to forget about God or not even think about His existence in this environment. Almost everyone in this profession has big egos and is very proud of what they do. They only believe in themselves and think that they can only depend on themselves. When they face any difficulties, they don't believe that God would come and rescue them. They only believe in "hard work". Most of people here think that I am crazy when I told them I go to church on Sundays. It is very hard to be a Christian in a professional art world. It is a very lonely battle....

However, I felt extremely lucky because I have a group of friends that are very serious about God in Seattle. Even though they are so far away from me, but their faith has kept me company no matter where I go. I know that my "so called talent", my hard work, and my existence means nothing if I don't have Jesus in my life. So at the end of conversation with my friend who is having doubts about God, I told him " honestly, I can't say I understand what you are going through because I can never imagine not believing in God even when I was angry with Him and told Him that I didn't believe in Him anymore. I knew even then I believed in Him. I don't know anything at all and why things happened the way they did, but there is one thing I am certain of is that-- God loves you, and He will always love you even if you decided not to be a Christian anymore. God would never stop loving you."

I don't think I have ever been so proud in my life, not even when people come to me and tell me how talented they think I am at what I do. But I am so proud of being a Christian. There is nothing better than knowing that I am a daughter of God and that I have Jesus walking with me side my side everyday and every minute of my life. I might get tired, but I know I will never be alone....

Thank you, my Lord. Thank you for choosing me and thank you for loving me so much. Because of you, I am the luckiest person in the world....

Sleepless in Seattle!!?!!

December 25th, I left New York and flew to Seattle where I called home for a while. It was a rainy day in New York, and when I landed, it was of course raining in Seattle, what a surprise!!! My friend picked me up and went to a friend's house. I haven't seen this group of friends in years. They are my friends from my old church, SFCC. It was great and weird seeing them. Most of them are either married or have kids. Just few years ago, we used to hang out at people's parents' house, and now we are hanging out at friend's house. It was a weird feeling. I guess we are all getting old.

During one of our conversation, I mentioned about how I couldn't trust people anymore because one of my friend who is a Christian turned out to be someone that I can not trust because he has been very sneaky and dishonest. Then somehow we got into discussion of dating Christian or non-Christian. Someone told me that there is no verse in the bible said that Christians could not date non-Christians. I couldn't recall what verse at the time, but I was one girl up against three boys. Though I couldn't recall the verse at the times, nobody could argue with my point. I said "being a Christian is one of the most important part of me and having faith and believing in Jesus is fundamental of my life, and if i can not share my passion with my significant one, what is the point?"

I went home not being able to sleep. I read and searched my bible for a long time. Finally, I found this passage in 2 Corinthisans 6:14-18,

Do Not Be Yoked With Unbelievers

Do not be yoked together with unbelievers,. For what do righteousness and wickedness have in common? Or what fellowship can light have with darkness? What harmony is there between Christ and Belial? What does a believer have in common with an unbeliever? What agreement is there between the temple of God and idols? For we are the temple of the living God. As God has said: " I will live with them and walk among them , and I will be their God, and they will be my people."

"Therefore come out from them and be separate,

                                                                                   says the Lord.

Touch no unclean thing and I will receive you."

"I will be a Father to you, and you will be my sons and daughters,                                                

                                                                   says the Lord Almighty."

This is my first night of the trip in Seattle, "Sleepless in Seattle", but I thank God for it......

Happy Birthday, Jesus!!!!!

I am a monster.....

So, my girlfriends and I have been talking about going out more to meet people because we have been struggling too much at school. None of us really have any social life. People at school actually think that I don't hang out with anyone because I am way too serious with work. My girlfriends complain about me ditching them all the time. I just found out this semester that I have a reputation of "being crazy" and that everyone is scared or intimidated of me. No wonder when I tried to talk to people at school, they all stay in a certain distance away from me and have faces like "why is she talking to me? I hope she doesn't kill me"...........

I found this music website and yes it's a Chinese website. The reason I found this website was because I was looking for Ricky Martin's new song- Drop it on Me. (don't laugh, it's a great dance song), and as a result, I found this amazing Chinese music website that would allow me to listen to everything free online. So I started listening to "Chinese pop songs" which I haven't done for a long time. While I was listening to this singer whom I have no idea of, I realized something. As most people know, Chinese language doesn't differentiate he or she. There is no gender when it comes to the third person(speaking wise of course). Though I myself often have called she instead of he or he instead of she, I found really odd to listen to a love song when I had no idea it was he or she that this singer (it's a he) was referring to. Maybe it is me surrounded by too many gay people. I had a moment of confusion, thinking maybe he was singing a love song to another man. Was I being stupid? I don't know. I had to laugh it off.

So if you wonder when a group of performing artists get together, what might they gossip about, let me tell you. This topic is one of the most popular discussions that I have been in more than once. "Who do you think is gay?" The Conservatory of Dance is consisted of 85% of gays, 5% of bis, and 5% of straight guys. Basically, there are really no single straight guys in the conservatory because they all have girlfriends. Have you been to a serious dance school? If you have, you would know. But if you haven't and you are a guy and single, you might want to seriously consider to pay a visit someday because the girls in most serious dance schools are beautiful and drop dead gorgeous (except me, of course). So put yourself in those few straight guys' shoes.  Say there are maybe 5 straight guys versed probably 80 girls. Wow, what would the odds be for those poor guys to get a girlfriend who is beautiful and nice? Hmmmmmmmmm, I don't know, it is probably pretty hard for them because there are just so many choices......: )

So this is the first time I am writing and posting something in public. I wonder what I should write about. After a week of trying to finish different papers for different classes, I think I am dry with words. I don't know what is the worst- trying to create a year-long course for a university, design a lesson plan for a class that I have never taught before, or write a research paper about a period (Renaissance) that was far from our time? It has been an extremely busy and crazy semester. I am just glad that it has finally come to an end. Praise the Lord!!!!!!! I am finally free.... I only have two classes left for my last semester!!!!

God has been so amazingly faithful and merciful. Whenever I feel that things are about to fall apart, and I turn around, God is there to take care of me. I have truly learned that no matter how difficult things might seem to be at first, it will all be ok because God is on my side.

I am not sure of anything. The only consistency in my life is God and His love. I am not sure who I am suppose to be or what I am called to do, but one thing I am definitely sure of is --- I am God's daughter and servent, humbled by His kindness, faithfulness, and love.